People You May Know

Facebook is funny. I’m  up super late because I like being up super late, and I was looking on the facebook and who should pop up in the “People You May Know” but the youth pastor from my home church in Phoenix. We apparently have a few mutual friends. I wrote about the fact that he was (not surprisingly) found to have been in a 20-year extramarital relationship, but am frankly to lazy to find it and link to it. Following that revelation, I went to various websites and found countless stories from men & women whose marriages he had destroyed by preying on wives by using the power of his office for “counseling sessions.”

Not being one to hold back how I feel (sometimes having a touch of the prophetic can be handy), I wrote him the following message on facebook. It came rather easily to me and it may seem harsh but I stand by every word of it. I believe him to be a predatory monster, and while I believe it’s possible for God to work in the lives of these people, I don’t believe this person has allowed God to work in him. I believe he uses the office of pastor to gain power & control over people & situations and he is very dangerous. If anyone reading this is in the Birmingham area, I pray that you avoid him at all costs, and that you not let him into your church.

So, this is what I wrote. Too much?

“I saw you on here and felt compelled to write something. I’ve read story after story of your predatory behavior in ministry contexts and it makes me physically ill that you are starting over, this time capitalizing on your public demise by cloaking your new venture in the language of “grace”, “scars” and “hope”.

I wish I believed you but I don’t. I see people (mostly guys, by the way – huh – interesting) say how much of a positive influence you’ve had on their lives and ministries and that, sir, is the definition of grace: someone who preys on the vulnerable by abusing the office & privilege of ministry can still have a positive influence. God does that, not you – make no mistake.

You have waited an “appropriate” amount of time as attention has died down, and are now beginning the cycle again. You are creating another cult of personality where you can hide in plain sight with zero accountability – which, after all, is what the megachurch is when you boil it down to its core structure.

I have been to seminary and I have been in ministry for 20 years – in spite of people like you, not because – and I see the type of person attracted to the pastorate. You learned well from Richard Jackson. You have taken his level of narcissism and mixed in your own brand of manipulation and created a new breed of sociopath: Used Car Salesman (charm & persuasion) meets Sexual Predator (self explanatory) meets Jimmy Swagart (feigned contrition).

You have the word Grace EVERYWHERE in your church stuff, along with a novella explanation of your ridiculous logo and you meet in Harley shops. I am not buying it. It screams gimmick. You will be revealed to be a fraud in this new situation as well, which I can only assume is your greatest fear. You can only restart this machine so many times.

I spend a lot of my ministerial energy helping people recover from “pastors” like you. Basically, just telling someone I’m a pastor means I have to overcome a mountain of shit shoveled onto me by people like you who do the things you do for your own gratification without regard to consequences on any level.

You are a dynamic speaker. Fine. Go be a motivational speaker or something. Just get out of the church. At least stop trying to lead them. The trouble is, you have no idea who you are unless you’re on a platform with a Janet Jackson microphone on your head, a crowd of people hanging on your every word.

Unfortunately, I realize this message will have little to no impact and it’s really more for me than it is for you. You will most likely use this in some sort of tearful sermon illustration, emphasizing how sad it is that I’m so angry and that I haven’t forgiven. Frankly, I don’t care what you do, but I am thinking about all the people whose lives are in tatters because of you and how many more people you will take down in your new venture. I’m asking you to stop. Unless, of course, you actually mean it, and you’re all healed now.

I wish I could believe you, but I don’t.”

Friday Five: Odds & Ends

Sally writes:

I have had a ridiculously busy week so apologies for the fact that this is rushed and even a bit late, but here goes, even in the busyness of the week what has:

1. Inspired you
My friend Vanessa’s weight loss photos on facebook. As I’ve written previously, I’ve not been super motivated when it comes to weight loss, but when I see her progress just since October, I feel ever so slightly motivated. I am going to the gym today on my lunch break, but I have already had some cake today.

2. Challenged you
My day job work environment. Without going into details, I feel like the environment is more politically charged than it has been in the past, and there is an interesting undercurrent of machination that I don’t love. I’ve also been challenged by what I’m preaching this Sunday, and not in the good, God is speaking to me way. More of a, not sure what to say, how do I make this relevant to everyone way. I’m preaching on a passage that is very personal to me and I don’t want the sermon to be all about me, so I”m having a hard time getting out of the way.

3. Made you smile
A video of my niece saying “Congratulations! You did it! World’s best cup of coffee!” Slays me. (I’ll post it later)

4. Made you cross/ made you want to weep
Someone hurt a good friend of mine. She and her partner Beth have been happily married (whether our state recognizes it or not) for 19 years and someone claiming to speak for my faith told her that not only are they not married, they’re not even real people because they are gay. I don’t even know where a person would get that or why you would say something like that, but it totally pissed me off.

5.Kept you going?
The promise of good things to come. I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire and this year will hold some pretty awesome things. I will have some forward movement in my career in the next 6 months, big birthday celebration, some fun travel, CLP ordination & some great non-profit involvement. 2012 – you are MINE!

Friday Five: Movies

Thinking of movie-watching, what do you prefer?

1. At home or at a theater?

These days, at home. When there are big event movies that come in IMAX or 3D, sometimes I like those, but I don’t want to spend the time or money all the time. I also want to get into the theater to see some of the award season movies before the Oscars. I have a Flixter app for my phone that tells me what’s in theaters and what’s coming soon, and the best part about it is that I can add the film to my Netflix queue right there so when it comes out, I have it!

2. With whom?

Any friends, really, although I do enjoy seeing moves by myself. Don’t tell my mom – people seeing movies or eating in restaurants alone make her cry. The key is, someone who’s not a talker. I’m paying to listen to the film dialogue, not you.

3. Movie you look forward to seeing?

There’s a couple out now I want to see – Hugo in 3D, Young Adult, The Artist. I get into the Oscar films way more than the summer blockbusters.

4. Movie you like to see repeatedly?

I have a couple of cleaning movies that I put in whenever I’m working around the house – Kissing Jessica Stein is one of the main ones. Others I will watch over and over are:

• Out of Africa
• Gone With The Wind
• Beauty & The Beast (Disney 1991)
• Spy Game
• Ocean’s Eleven
• Millions
• Bridget Jones’s Diary

5. Food with a movie?

Not really. I’m not a theater snack person, but if I do get something, it’s plain M&Ms. I have to be in the mood for popcorn, which is rare, but if I do get popcorn, it must be so salty that my tongue is numb by the end of the film.

Acceptance v. Giving Up

I’ve written a bit about struggling with food and the eating of food and the fact that I’m on Weight Watchers and a bit of a stress eater. I’ve also thought seriously about the fact that I may be a food, or at least sugar, addict. Over the last few weeks as I waded through a relapse of the fibromyalgia, I made a decision to stop obsessing about food and weight. A good friend of mine gave me something great to use regarding food – before I eat something I should ask myself if whatever it is will taste as good now as being thin will feel later. Sometimes the answer is no, so I decline. Sometimes the answer is no, but I don’t give a shit right now, so I’ll take it, thanks.

I just canceled my Weight Watchers account because what I’m discovering is that the long view is too daunting for me at this point. I need to make food decisions one at a time. Also, I need to not think so much about tracking and writing down, which right now is only fueling my obsessive tendencies. I need to go one snack, meal, bite at a time and make good choices, but sometimes make less good choices and not beat myself up about it because I’ll make a better choice next time. I’m not giving up on losing weight and getting healthy. I’m trying to come to a point where I accept the way my brain and body work and work in harmony with them rather that fighting this uphill battle that doesn’t make sense.

For me this is going to involve more listening, less striving, more grace, less castigation, more acceptance, less anger.

Friday Five: Recommendations

revkjarla writes:

So, it’s the time of year I get inundated with requests for recommendations for students that are looking to be camp counselors.  So in honor of camp counselors everywhere, today’s Friday Five is the Recommendation edition  (which has nothing to do with camp or summer or anything–work with me, it’s late….)

1.   Recommend a favorite worship resource or devotional book.

My favorite Lenten devotional book is Small Surrenders by Emilie Griffin. I love that season and this book because it helps me get into a daily reading habit again.

2.   Recommend a blog that you like to read that you think others might find enjoyable.

Only in the 21st Century can one become friends with someone after they are no longer in the same vicinity. I went to seminary with my friend Sarah’s husband. She’s a vet and the bread winner and they had a kid somewhere in there I think so I never really interacted with her much. Later we became facebook friends and have interacted way more than we ever did when we lived on the same campus. Her blog The Sacred Misfit is a place where she works out some of the kinks in life and faith.

3.   Recommend a fiction book that you think people might like.

I really enjoy audio books. I like lying in bed and listening or plugging them in during my commute. If you’ve not yet read the Pillars of the Earth, I highly recommend that one. It’s a 40-hour audio book, so settle in, folks. Here are a few more audio fiction books I’ve enjoyed.

The Art of Racing in the Rain
Atonement
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Clara & Mr. Tiffany
The Cat’s Table
Free Food for Millionaires
The Paris Wife
The Wonder of Charlie Anne
Last Night at the Lobster

4.   Recommend a favorite recipe website.   O.k., if you aren’t into cooking or food, then just recommend a random website that you find useful, hilarious, mind numbing or thought provoking.

My good friend Jill has a passion for cooking and for bringing good (I mean really good) food into everyone’s kitchen. She believes that just because you’re a busy mom doesn’t mean you can’t make a good Bearnaise sauce. And sometimes she takes the kids to McDonalds. Here’s her site: www.readyprepgo.com

5.  And for the last recommendation–it’s bloggers’ choice!  Make a recommendation for anything!

It’s a tie between Awkward Family Photos add People of Walmart.

The Soul Felt Its Worth

John 1

The Word Became Flesh

¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all humankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcomeit.

⁶ There was a man sent from God whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. ⁸ He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. ¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

¹⁴ The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

¹⁵ (John testified concerning him. He cried out, saying, “This is the one I spoke about when I said, ‘He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’”) ¹⁶ Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. ¹⁷ For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. ¹⁸ No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

Time Magazine declared 2011 to be the year of the Protestor. Starting in Tunisia, the energy of people long oppressed around the world came together to overthrow governments and businesses that had catered to the wealthy and took from those who had nothing left to give.

The first stanza of O Holy Night tells us that when Christ appeared, the “soul felt its worth.” To have God become flesh and dwell among us is to know that we matter – that we matter to God and therefore should matter to each other. The protests around the world are people standing up and saying “We matter. We should be treated with respect and justice.”

What is light but a protest against the darkness? If we were to turn out the lights in this building, we would all be in darkness, not just a few of us. Darkness around the world affects those of us who think we’re living in the light.

Today’s scripture tells us that the birth of Christ enables us to become children of God. The Greek work in this passage is more accurately translated, “children who are, by very nature, God’s”, implying a genetic connection. If I were to show you a picture of my parents, you would see very clearly the strong resemblance I have to both of them. It’s not something that I have to try to do or make happen. I look like them because I am related to them. I also act like them because I am related to them.

The coming of Christ gives us the ability to look and act like God because we had a living example of how God would act in the world if God came in the flesh. When we choose to follow this path, we are called to become people who are light in the world, casting out darkness and ending the oppression of the weak.

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Louis Etongwe, age fifty-two, liberates slaves from the homes of wealthy families in the states ofVirginia,Maryland, andNew Jersey.

No, that’s not a news bulletin from pre–Civil WarAmerica. Louis lives in modern-dayWilliamsburg,Virginia, and in seven separate incidents since 1999 he has rescued teenage African girls from domestic servitude and sexual bondage. Remarkably, Louis has no training in immigration law, he has no social services organization standing behind him, and he funds his activities with the money he earns from a modest salary working for the telephone company. “I act out of principle,” Louis says without a trace of hubris. “I can’t sit by passively when predators take advantage of the defenseless.”

Louis’s story of becoming a modern-day abolitionist is found in David Batstone’s book Not For Sale, a book that has become a world-wide movement to end slavery and human trafficking, at its highest rates in human history.

The third stanza of O Holy Night tells us that the “slave is our brother”. If we truly saw the slave as our brother, would we be dealing with this epidemic? We like to see ourselves for the most part as free people, but for most of us, that freedom is an illusion. Martin Luther King, Jr. reminded us that unless there is freedom for everyone, there is freedom for no one. Frederick Buechner tells us that “your life and my life flow into one another…so unless there is peace and freedom for you there is no peace and freedom for me.”

The protests in Tunisia began when a merchant who had been so constantly oppressed by local police and government that he soaked himself with turpentine and set himself ablaze outside his local police station to protest his treatment. This horrendous act was caught on video and circled the globe through social networking sites. He died a few days later, but the movement gained a life that spread around the region and eventually around the world.

The end of oppression is an exciting thought, and one that has been a big part of this past year. I have to wonder, however, if as people who claim to be followers of Jesus, if we shouldn’t have been part of the end of oppression years ago. Jesus told his disciples that if they chose not to offer praise to God, the very rocks would cry out. The protests that have happened around the world that were not initiated by Christ-followers are an examples of the rocks crying out because no matter what, God’s will is done, and we know from scripture God’s will is the end of oppression.

Oppression takes many forms. There are the obvious forms of oppression, like slavery, child labor, and unjust political regimes. The hidden oppressors that live inside us can be much more insidious and prevent a true connection between us and God. We are addicted to drugs, alcohol, food. We are depressed. We are cowering under the shame of a sexual assault or of our own life choices. We have secret habits that we think we have under control, but in reality they control us. We are buried under debt and living beyond our means. No one is immune to oppression. Oppression is darkness, and the light of God’s love is the only cure. We must shine the healing sunlight of truth on these oppressors and with the support of our communities, rid ourselves of the things that oppress us and keep us from becoming who God intends us to be.

When one is oppressed we are all oppressed. The calling we have in Christ is not a small one. It is difficult, dangerous, costly and complicated. It is also not optional. We’re starting a new year, and most of us think in terms of resolutions and changes of habit that have to do with our outsides. We all say we’re going to lose weight, join the gym, get more rest, slow down, get healthy. Rarely do any of us follow through with these resolutions. This year I would challenge us all to make the more manageable resolution to be light to the world in some way every day. You can do this by buying someone coffee, giving encouragement, volunteering for a cause about which you are passionate, tutoring kids after school, or serving at a soup kitchen. Make the resolution and with the support of your community, follow through. Oppression within yourself, your community and the world can come to an end. Make a choice today to protest the darkness with light.

Friday Five: Nearly New Year

Sally writes:

A simple Friday Five for a busy part of the year; indulge me by sharing two fives:

As you look back over 2011 share 5 blessings, they can be as grand or as simple as you like,if you year has been like mine they are probably a mixture!

As you look towards 2012 share 5 hopes- again, anything goes!

Pictures and songs welcome!

Personal note: After my last whiny baby post, this is a good exercise for me. 2011 had some great blessings indeed, if only I could remember them Indeed, with the help of my calendar, I shall do my best!

1. Faith Community. I’ve grown to love MBCC even more. I’ve been at the church now going on 7 years, one of a few, and it’s been a great ride. Since our pastor moved on from the community, I’ve been able to step up and do a lot more preaching and even done some preaching at other churches. It’s something I really enjoy and it’s been great to get back into the saddle pulpit.

2. My new apartment. In August I moved out of a roommate situation into a solo gig and it has been amazing. I have a tiny place that is truly mine and I super love it. It makes coming home from busy days that much more energizing because I have run of the place.

3. Spa membership. This is the best thing I do for myself. If you’re in So. Cal or the Bay Area, there is no reason you shouldn’t be a member of your local  Burke-Williams Spa. It makes so much sense and has definitely kept me out of prison.

4. I’ve gotten to know some of my cousins as adults a bit better than I did. I love hearing stories of their growing up, their perspective on our family, their faith journeys. I have a cool and interesting family.

5. Being part of life events in friends lives. People keep giving birth, getting married, getting promoted, moving, all around me. It’s great to be part of these moments in their lives and witness some of the most important events.

Hopes for 2012

1. Obviously, that the Mayans were wrong. I mean really, how well are they doing?

2. Travel. That’s less of a hope and more of a plan, but I can’t wait to get to spin around the planet a bit.

3. Continual integration of vocation and occupation. I’m not sure what’s on the horizon for me career & calling wise, but I feel great change coming. I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out.

4. I will continue on a forward path to greater organization and structure in those areas of life that cause me difficulty.

5. Breathing. Much more breathing.

Wasted

I woke up tired and grumpy. I felt great after yoga last night, but that great feeling has evaporated. I laid around, got ready for work and made it here on time, but not excited. I got to work and was immediately bombarded with questions, demands, requests. No time to check in, no time to check up and check email and see what’s going on. Tyranny of the urgent rearing its tyrannical head.

I’m officially burnt. I know there’s a place in here that loves my job but I’m not feeling it at all. I worked so hard this holiday season and my only feedback was “not enough, not enough” and it’s tapped me out. I’ve had the necessary conversations and that has been acknowledged & remedied, but the damage is done and I haven’t had time and space to recover. Oh, yes, the things I did wrong were fully highlighted, front-and-center. I made two mistakes. Two. And I heard about them loud and clear. The successes? Not a word.

I’m ready for something new. I need an adult, desk, cube farm job. I want to celebrate holidays on the actual holiday. I want to have weekends off. I want to love my job again. Maybe after my Janu-Christmas mini-break, some of that will return. I don’t have the ability to see past today right now.

Tomorrow, the spa. Perhaps I will experience a short burst of renewal that will carry me through the next 9 days.

Take It Down a Notch, Tim

OMG – love this sketch. So true. I’m so over Tim Tebow & his Tebowing. He’s I’m sure a nice, sincere guy, but the backlash from his over-religious talk is a clear indication that we’re past the time when public figures are who we look to for our faith models, and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t super care about the faith of football players. I care if they can play. Does God help them win? Doubt it. Is their talent a gift? Yes. Their preparation and practice has more to do with their success than anything else. I don’t find it affirming for a public figure to agree with my faith. And I think it’s a short trip to prosperity gospel to say that God is behind success, implying that God is far away from failure. How many players pray fervently in secret and lose all the time? Or win and don’t make a big deal of it?

I don’t question Tim’s faith, and I think he’s being honest. I don’t know if he set out to become this icon of conservative Christianity, but here he is. He’s dug himself a hole that he can’t Tebow himself out of.

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.  But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”  - Matthew 6:5-6

 

A Slow Dawning

Me: So, are you guys going to get your picture with Santa?

Chloe: We’re going on Tuesday, but I’m not having my picture taken with him because he’s not real. It’s just a guy dressed up as an imaginary character.

Me: But you can still have your picture taken with him.

Chloe: No. He’s not real.

Me. Is the Easter Bunny real?

Chloe: No.

Me: What about the Tooth Fairy?

Chloe: Of course the Tooth Fairy is real. Who else would take my tooth and put money under my pillow?

Me: So you do believe the Tooth Fairy is real?

Chloe: Well…I do know that fairies aren’t real…