I’m in the throes of processing the fact that I’m turning 40 in a couple of months, evaluating my life choices, etc. and I have to say, some of it hasn’t been pretty. Sometimes I’m fetal in the bed. Sometimes I’m rocking it out at the gym. It started, heaven knows why, with me learning that Scarlett Johanssen is dating a guy I grew up with at church. He’s a bit younger than me, but apparently this big ad exec in NY and dates celebrities. Ok. This is not to say that I believe I once threw away a promising career in advertising, or actually want to date a celebrity. For some reason, the stark contrast between my life accomplishments and his sent me into a bit of a tailspin. The oddest things can set me off. I also when through a difficult spell and work and I seemed to very stalled in my career. That didn’t help.
I’ve had to take a very honest look at my life and admit that there are things I should have done better. There are also things I have done well. If I want to get to where I want to be, I need to make some difficult choices and dial back some of my habits so I can do more of what I want. I feel like I’m at a point of crossroads where I could just stop trying and become the crazy cat lady or I could continue to develop in a forward direction.
I choose the forward direction, but it’s hard work. I’m doing some pretty great things at work right now, which is helping. I’m also instituting some strict rules for myself regarding my spending. The big thing for me is that I’m disciplining myself to focus on big-picture results, not the things I’m depriving myself of in the moment. That’s a constant practice, because I’m an only daughter, oldest child, raised in the 80’s – I don’t do delayed gratification. I’m having to make a daily choice to accept the passage of time and make good choices based on the outcomes I want. I wish I would have done this 20 years ago, but I didn’t, so I’m doing it now. Better late than never.