I’ve written a bit about struggling with food and the eating of food and the fact that I’m on Weight Watchers and a bit of a stress eater. I’ve also thought seriously about the fact that I may be a food, or at least sugar, addict. Over the last few weeks as I waded through a relapse of the fibromyalgia, I made a decision to stop obsessing about food and weight. A good friend of mine gave me something great to use regarding food – before I eat something I should ask myself if whatever it is will taste as good now as being thin will feel later. Sometimes the answer is no, so I decline. Sometimes the answer is no, but I don’t give a shit right now, so I’ll take it, thanks.
I just canceled my Weight Watchers account because what I’m discovering is that the long view is too daunting for me at this point. I need to make food decisions one at a time. Also, I need to not think so much about tracking and writing down, which right now is only fueling my obsessive tendencies. I need to go one snack, meal, bite at a time and make good choices, but sometimes make less good choices and not beat myself up about it because I’ll make a better choice next time. I’m not giving up on losing weight and getting healthy. I’m trying to come to a point where I accept the way my brain and body work and work in harmony with them rather that fighting this uphill battle that doesn’t make sense.
For me this is going to involve more listening, less striving, more grace, less castigation, more acceptance, less anger.