Last week I started back into the therapy. I’ve periodically gone back in for a tune-up and now I feel it’s time. I connected with a woman called Stephanie through a work benefit and am entitled to 8 whole sessions of being de-crazied. Of course the question, “Why are you here?” comes first. Umm…well…there’s no precipitating event. I’m just experiencing some mild depression, lack of motivation, and some irrational thoughts that I think are holding me back so I want to get some of that adjusted. Stephanie is an older, east-coaster person who comes from a more cognitive-behavioral model (which I like) and is very direct. I promise you there is nothing like having someone sit across from you in a tiny room and repeat back to you what you just said and look a you like you are, in fact, nuts. She doesn’t even pretend. She’s not touchy-feely, which I think would drive me bonkers. The things that I say in my head really are nuts. Like crazy nuts. When you have to say them out loud to another person it definitely motivates you to change them.
I went to see Mz. Stephanie, LMFT, MSW, the day I began the moving process, and was packing and starting to stress out about it all, so I threw on a black t-shirt, gray yoga pants and a gray jacket. I briefly considered a light blue t-shirt (this will become important later), but I went for the black. At one point we were discussing certain types of personal interactions that make me uncomortable, and I told her that I have ways of keeping people at bay that make me feel better. I was referring to my social awkwardness or my withering wit, but she went for the wardrobe, “So, you wear black, drab colors as a way to keep people away from you.” NO! I wear lots of colors! I almost wore blue! Blast! I kind of want to come to the next session all dolled up & wearing bright colors just to show her. Honestly, of all the crazy she pointed out, the thing that bothered me most was that wardrobe comment. I am that shallow. Is it wrong that I want to dress up for therapy?