I’m in the process of working out some of my issues regarding these three things. As it turns out, I have some work to do.
I have issues. I am an emotional eater & I think about food a lot. I don’t have a healthy attitude toward food & I think it’s starting to have more sway over me than I would like. I eat healthy, then I splurge, then I shame myself. I’m trying to see food as fuel for the body, make good choices & keep myself from getting hungry by eating more frequent small meals. Then when I do have a little treat, I’m acknowledging it, not shaming myself, & so far it’s working and I’m not binging. I’ve unfollowed twitter feeds that focus on food issues to keep me from being obsessed. I’ve gone back to tracking my calories but with an attitude that I am in charge, not the calories, and I get to decide where I can spend them.
I’ve identified a pattern of abandonment & attachment with some folks that I can now recognize & try to head off. I had a really healing moment of closure the other day with one of these and that was very promising. I am “supportive” to my own detriment rather than recognizing people for who they are, not putting unrealistic expectations on them, and letting go in a way that is loving to both them & me.
I am terrible with money & I love to shop. This is a problem. I have had access to a financial planning system that I have used off & on but now I am totally on. It involves me telling my money where to go rather than me being a victim of my bank balance (see calorie tracking above). I’m working on reversing the feeling that I’m depriving myself. Rather, I’m giving myself the gift of great experiences down the road. I’ve never been good at delayed gratification so this one’s tough. The bottom line is that there are things I want to do, mostly travel & donate, and I’m tired of not being able to do them. It’s happening, people!
The common thread with all of this to me is about continually becoming a centered person who is in charge of and empowered to make positive choices for myself that will also benefit others. I’m leaving my 30s soon and I want the next decade to be as good as or better than this one (and this one’s been pretty good).
There’s an element of spiritual practice in this as well because most of my issues here can be chalked up to control and letting go & trusting is going to be an important continual decision in this journey. I’m excited for the possibilities of all of this. I know it’s going to present moments of great challenge but I feel like it’s worth it.