Oscars Red Carpet

I know you all desperately care about my opinions so here we go with the red carpet madness!

I chose the E! coverage over others b/c I had to choose & anytime there’s the possibility of spotting an interaction between Joel McHale & Ryan Seacrest, I’m there.

Zac Efron seems intelligent & thoughtful. I’m still not watching the HSM films.

Gulianna looks good but Jay Manuel is wearing a sofa cushion.

Anna Kendrick. Gorgeous dress, love the drapey, color is meh, it washes her out a bit. She was brilliant in Up in the Air.

Why is Mariska Hargitay there?

Mo’Nique looks good in the style, don’t love the particular shade of blue. She told Ryan though. She’s obviously grateful & humble. I’d take her much more seriously w/o the extra apostrophe.

Mariah Carey is coming. I’m frightened. They had to go to commercial so she could catch up to her boobs. Dress surprisingly tasteful but she keeps opening up the leg slit like she thinks she’s too dressed. Dear God. She & Nick are so ghetto. She just got her bracelet caught on her boob & Nick took his sweet time removing it. Ryan just told Nick “I like your hustle.” I’d like to know if he says that to white people too.

Mickey Rooney. No joke. Had no idea he was still alive.

The mayor of LA is smarmy & his sucking up to Avatar girl is altogether gross. Don’t love the dress.

Joel Madden & Nicole Ritchie. I love her dress. He’s the DJ for the show. I have no idea what that means.

OMG. Suzy Amis looks rough, like a skin-draped skeleton. Good dress, but she needs medical attention.

Vera Farmiga. A. MAZ. ING. LOVE love the red Marchesa dress with the fans. Hair, not as much. It’s an anachronistic mess, like a 19th century schoolmarm with tall 80’s bangs.

Ryan Reynolds is super cute & funny.

Tina Fey. Enough with the black dresses. The wall of bangs isn’t doing you any favors, either. The dress is fine, it’s Michael Kors. Just get some color already.

Jason Reitman is genius. I love his films & I think he has a great future.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Maggie. Maggie. You know I love you. One of the best living actors, truly. Your red carpet choices, however, are generally unforgivable. This evening you seem to have wrapped yourself in a tie-dyed sheet.

Elizabeth Banks looks amazing in blue/gray Versace.

In general the actresses are all very minimal with the earrings this year. No shoulder-dusters.

Tom Ford. I haven’t seen A Single Man but it seems great. He’s wearing his own suit.

Sigourney Weaver looks like she was eaten by a giant red toga. It’s not flattering & I don’t get the tacky xmas ornament on her shoulder, or the afterthought black necktie sash. I think Ryan forgot his box b/c he’s talking to her chest.

Lenny Kravitz is here with his daughter Zoe. She introduced herself to Ryan & he kind of ignored her. Her dress us great & she looks beautiful.

Diane Kruger. You have got to be kidding me. Looks like a high school home ec project meets an early incarnation of Big Bird. Or something from the lame sauce season of Project Runway in LA of which we do not speak.

Sandra Bullock’s gold dress looks like it was hammered on it’s so tight. The top is beautiful, though. I’m not a lace lover but the sleeves are gorgeous. Hair looks great, too & the lip color is perfect.

Amanda Seyfried. Love the formed bodice, the rouching, the waist. Bad color or lack thereof. Lots of architectural dresses this year, have we noticed?

Carey Mulligan’s dress looks like it started plain black & then she covered the front with glue and rolled around in black lava rocks. Also, she needs to eat something.

Faith Hill looks good but not super on-trend. A little Gunsmoke saloon gal for my taste.

Miley Cyrus. Why? Her hair is huge. Why? Her corset-topped dress from Contempo Casuals is hideous & three sizes too small. Why? Her mother is showing off her back tattoos of  angel wings. Why? This portion of the red carpet is brought to you by Shur-Hold Trailer Hitches and Matt’s Classy Mud Flaps.

J Lo. LOVE it. Love the side car, love the color, love the sparkle, love everything. Very glamor-mom.

Meryl Streep. She can do anything she wants. Love the draping. Beautiful neckline, sexy, yet age-appropriate. There is a hint of mother-of-the-bride, but she’s Meryl Freaking Streep and can do whatever she wants.

Rachel McAdams. I think she is absolutely beautiful. Intelligently beautiful. Frankly, a team-changer. Her dress, hair, everything looks great. The style, the criss-crossing in the front, the color/pattern. Everything. Love.

Charlize  Theron. Boob flowers. Seriously. What in the name of all that is botanical is going on here? The color is beautiful but seriously. Boob flowers. Awful.

Sarah Jessica Parker. The thing on her head looks like it’s in its larvae stage. That explains why it doesn’t match the rest of her head. The dress is a yellow silk shapeless sack with some nice crystal detailing on the front and back. Like the neck strap too, but Chanel Couture has succeeded in creating the most expensive flour sack ever.

Don’t freak out but I think Colin Firth’s wife’s life is in danger. That thing on her shoulder looks hungry.

Gaby whatever from Precious. She said if fashion were porn then her dress would be the money shot. Fashion IS porn, and her dress is perfect for her. It was funny to watch all the commentators to fall over themselves saying how really, honestly, they love her confidence and think she looks amazing.

Queen Latifah looks beautiful and her beard  is SUPER hot. The shoulder detail coming down toward the waist fits her figure beautifully. It all works.

Wish I could see Matt Damon’s wife’s dress better. Turns out pink and drapey really work for me.

Robert Downey Jr. went with whimsical with his GINORMOUS  blue bow tie that matched the lenses  of his glasses. Whatever. He’s a genius. And he’s Ironman.

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5 thoughts on “Oscars Red Carpet

  1. Thanks for your commentary, Tiffany. I didn’t get to watch the action but I feel like I was there from reading your reactions to both the red carpet action as well as the awards themselves. I have to say that my favorite line from your posts is:

    “What in the name of all that is botanical…”

    Made me laugh out loud! : )

  2. What is the problem of Mariska Hargitay attend the party? Have all the people there were presenters and nominees? Mariska beyond beautiful (One of the most beautiful of the night, which is not new) is a woman of class and no education. She was a guest and she is an actress, by the very talented.

  3. Whoa, there. I had no idea an innocent query regarding Ms. Hargitay would illicit such ire. Clearly we have a soft spot for the Special Victim’s Unit. I was merely asking b/c she’s primarily a television actor and this is a film-specific event. I’m assuming she was in attendance because of her pedigree. She’s a lovely woman. Just a question.

  4. I agree with just about everything you have to say 🙂 actually the question about Ms. Mariska made me laugh out loud [I am a fan of SVU], and the Mariah Carey bit was all but too much for me! I had to read out loud to my mom and sister and let me tell you, that is very hard to do when you’re almost crying… from laughing.

    My one protest is J. Lo’s dress. I know what you mean, and it’s a beautiful form, but really? It looks like the foam sometimes used in place of bubble wrap. Maybe she’s planning on traveling after the Oscars… in a FedEx box? 🙂

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